I Now Know… (Part 2)

You can learn a lot in a foreign country, and here are a few of the things I’ve gotten in this, the second installment of my award-winning* series “I Now Know...”(*series has not won any awards)

You can learn a lot in a foreign country, and here are a few of the things I’ve gotten in this, the second installment of my award-winning* series “I Now Know…”
(*series has not won any awards)

…that nobody in Japan actually runs.  The men are all to lazy/tired/hot/drunk to pull it off and so instead amble about, heads hung low, ready to accept their fate (as Japanese).  The women all wear heels that are too high and shorts/skirts that are to tight to be able to pull it off.  Instead they do this kind of awkward… “butt-wiggle-jog” kind of think.  It’s… not attractive.

…that despite the fame and skill of many singers in Japan, most don’t actually know how to sing.  I know this because I went to church once already.  That weird sound you hear coming from the throats of asian people performing traditional asian “song” (in quotes for obvious reasons of questionability) which sounds something between a cat in heat being strangled and a vacuum cleaner and a jet-engine warming up?  Yeah, that’s how they all sound.  At least the grown-up women.  Some of the girls performing the number in church last Sunday were cute enough that they may have actually sung okay, but I couldn’t tell from the older lady singer her lungs out.  Or the guy doing the same.

What’s that?  You think cute doesn’t have something to do with singing ability?  Well, I suppose at a professional level you’re right, but I’m not talking professional.  There is, you will have to admit, a degree of “bad” one is willing to accept in order to be around varying degrees of “cute”.  Maybe someday I’ll make a graph to help illustrate the point that “cute” can make up for varying amounts of “bad”.

…how I’m going to get faster at reading Japanese text:  by watching Japanese television.  What’s that you say?  You don’t believe me?  Shows what YOU know!  See, very few of you indeed would have reason to know this (hence my moderately pompous tone), that in all but the dramatic shows (that is, TV shows with a plot, that try to tell a story, only seldom few of which ever have any… believable drama, unless “believable” for you includes a very beautiful girl, wearing boys clothes and using male speech but not changing her voice or facial expressions, masquerading successfully as a boy at an all-boy’s high school), every time something important, amusing, or simply just ‘weird’ is said by someone on or off screen, they write it on the bottom using some weird font.

This is, of course, often alongside the weird host (who looks like a normal 40-year-old except for this next part) waving his hand around the screen behind (badly) superimposed special sparkly-affects reminiscent of a page given to 8-year-old girls along with glue, markers and glitter of carious colors.  It’s bad, I promise.

…what it means to be afraid.  When purchasing my keitai-denwa (mobile phone), a process which even in America can confuse many adults who would not often be categorized as “intellectually ineffective”, there were a lot of complex matters which, when asked, were answered in perfect Japanese.  Thankfully, my host-parents were there to help me out, but still I couldn’t tell exactly what was going on.  I verified that when I cancel my contract early in about a year or so it’ll cost me about $100 and that’s it, which I’m okay with, but everything else is rather, um…  Well I really just kind of don’t know about it.  Oh yeah, and there’s like three kinds of data communication: email packets, internet packets, and talk time.  At least, I THINK there are three…  the email and internet may be combined, but I think not…  (Fortunately, I’m very skilled at thinking…)  And I only get to send and receive a certain number.  What that number is I kind of don’t know, but it is limited without having to pay extra per packet.  How much extra, I don’t know, but I think it’s extra.  Like I said, I now know what it means to be afraid.  By the way, in all likeliness, how big is a ‘packet’? >.>

..my phone number!  If I haven’t yet emailed it to you and you (for some reason or other) think you should have it, consider messaging here or emailing me, and risk having me respond bluntly: No, I don’t think you should have my phone number in Japan.  Of course, the answer may be completely different from that and may include my Japanese mobile phone number instead.  Hehe.  I make no promises! ^_^

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